Disclaimer

The fine print that our lawyers (and yours) insist we show you — served with DSY's signature lack of warmth.

⚠ THIS IS NOT THERAPY. THIS IS NOT COACHING. THIS IS NOT MEDICAL OR MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE.

Don't Shit Yourself is a satirical entertainment service. It sends you a semi-aggressive morning text designed to make you laugh, cringe, or roll your eyes so hard you pull something. That's it. If you need professional help — and hey, most of us do — go get it from someone with a license and a couch, not from a text message written by people who think "you absolute garbage can" is a compliment.

☎ If you are in crisis — right now, this moment

Please stop reading and call one of these numbers. Seriously. Go.

988 — Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

911 — Emergency Services

Or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.

🛑 No Professional Relationship

Your subscription to, or interaction with, Don't Shit Yourself does not create a therapist-client, coach-client, doctor-patient, or any other professional relationship. You are signing up to be roasted by a machine and the mildly deranged humans who programmed it — nothing more.

📉 No Guaranteed Results

We make zero promises about what will happen when you start getting DSY texts. You might feel motivated. You might feel attacked. You might block us after three days. You might laugh, cry, or text your ex. (Please don't text your ex.) In fact, there is a non-zero chance you feel worse before you feel better. That's on purpose, and also not our fault. Use at your own risk.

💬 Testimonials

Any testimonials or user stories displayed on this site are from real DSY subscribers. However, individual results vary wildly. One person's "life-changing wake-up call" is another person's "why is a stranger yelling at me at 7 AM." Your mileage will not only vary — it might be parked in a ditch.

🔗 Affiliate & Third-Party Links

Some links on this site may be affiliate links. We may earn a small commission if you purchase something through those links — at no extra cost to you. We only promote things we actually use or find amusing. You are under no obligation to click anything.

📋 General Legal Stuff

Don't Shit Yourself is provided "as is" with no warranties, expressed or implied.
We are not liable for any emotional damage, bruised ego, or impulsive decisions made after reading a text at 6:47 AM.
If you are under 18, go away. Come back when you're old enough to drink coffee and regret things legally.
We may update this disclaimer at any time. Continuing to receive texts means you accept the new terms, even if you didn't read them (we know you won't read them).

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