Last Updated: June 26, 2026
Don't Shit Yourself ("DSY," "we," "us") runs a SMS-based morning greeting and roast service. Every day, we send you a message that's part warm greeting, part loving jab — all designed to make sure you don't shit yourself before you've had your coffee.
This Privacy Policy explains what information we collect, why we collect it, and what we do with it. It also covers your rights and how to opt out. It's short, readable, and actually honest — no fine-print traps.
TL;DR: We collect your name, phone number, email, and whatever context you share so we can send you personalized morning roasts. We use Twilio to deliver texts and Stripe to take your money. We don't sell your data. You can opt out anytime by replying STOP.
We collect only what you voluntarily give us — and what's technically necessary to send you a text message. Here's the full picture:
| Data | Why | Required? |
|---|---|---|
| Phone Number | Delivering SMS greetings is kind of the whole point | Yes |
| First Name | So we don't address you as "Hey, you" | Yes |
| Email Address | Account recovery, billing receipts, and if SMS fails | Yes |
| Custom Context | Personalizing your roasts (anything you share — hobbies, job, embarrassing stories you want us to reference) | No |
| Subscription Status | Knowing whether you're active, paused, or cancelled | Auto |
| SMS Delivery Logs | Confirming messages were delivered (Twilio provides this) | Auto |
We do not collect your location, device identifiers, browsing history, contacts, photos, or any other data from your phone. We don't track you across the web. We don't build shadow profiles. We don't sell anything to advertisers because we are not in the business of being creepy.
Your data has exactly two jobs:
We may also use your email to send you receipts, account-related notices, or a rare "hey, Twilio is having a meltdown so your SMS might be late" alert. We will never use your email for newsletters, marketing, or any nonsense you didn't sign up for.
Your data is stored in EspoCRM, our customer relationship management system. EspoCRM runs on our own infrastructure and is configured with encryption at rest and in transit. Access is restricted to the minimum number of humans necessary to keep the lights on.
We follow industry-standard security practices: encrypted connections (TLS), hashed where sensible, and we keep our software patched so randos can't waltz in.
That said — no system is 100% bulletproof. If you're the kind of person who uses "Password123" for everything, the weakest link isn't our server. Use a password manager. Be smarter than the average bear.
We share your data with exactly two third parties, both of whom are essential to the service working at all:
We do not sell your data to advertisers, data brokers, marketing platforms, or anyone else. If that ever changes, we will (a) ask your explicit consent first, and (b) expect you to roast us for selling out, which we'd deserve.
We keep your information for as long as you're an active subscriber. That's it.
If you unsubscribe (by replying STOP or through your account settings), we retain your data for a 30-day grace period in case you change your mind and want to resubscribe without re-entering everything. After 30 days, your data is deleted from our active systems. Backups may retain encrypted copies for up to 90 additional days, after which they are rotated out.
If you want your data wiped sooner — just email us. We'll do it within 48 hours.
You have the right to:
To exercise any of these rights, email us at the address at the bottom of this page. We don't require you to jump through hoops, notarize documents, or mail us a carrier pigeon. Just ask.
Want to stop receiving messages? Reply STOP to any SMS from DSY. You'll receive one confirmation message, and then you're done. No more roasts. No more greetings. You may feel a brief sense of peace — or profound emptiness. We won't ask which.
After opting out, we'll stop sending SMS immediately. Your account will be marked as unsubscribed, and the 30-day deletion clock starts ticking (see Section 5).
If you subscribed through a third-party platform (e.g., a promo code from a friend), replying STOP will still work. We're not ones for bureaucratic runaround.
Our website uses no tracking cookies. None. Zero. Nada.
We may use a minimal session cookie (functional only) if you log into an account dashboard — this is the boring kind that expires when you close your browser and doesn't track you anywhere. We don't use Google Analytics, Facebook pixels, or any of that surveillance garbage.
If you want the technical specification: we run a simple server with no third-party analytics scripts embedded. What you see is what you get.
This service is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. The content includes adult language, crude humor, and references that will make your grandmother blush. We do not knowingly collect data from minors. If we discover that a user is under 18, we will delete their data and refund any payments. If you're a parent who thinks your kid is subscribed to a "morning motivation" service — uh, you might want to check their phone.
If we change this privacy policy, we'll notify you by SMS and email at least 14 days before the change takes effect. We'll summarize what changed and why. We won't pull a "we updated our terms, lol read 'em" — we'll actually tell you.
Continued use of the service after changes take effect constitutes acceptance of the new policy. If you don't agree, you can unsubscribe before the effective date.
Got questions? Concerns? Want to tell us we missed a spot? Reach out:
We aim to respond to privacy-related inquiries within 48 hours. If we're slower than that, you have our permission to roast us. We've signed up for it — literally.